movies that suck
Hannibal
To say that Americans are obsessed with serial murder is something of an understatement. You can’t swing a dismembered prostitute over your head anywhere in this country without hitting a dozen books, movies, and investigative TV shows that deal with the topic.
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
OK, I’ve seen a LOT of movies throughout my life. That’s not to say that I’ve necessarily seen more than YOU (I have), but let’s just say that a video rental store is completely useless to me, except for the New Release section.
Pitch Black
I did not start out on the right foot with Pitch Black. To begin with, some joker at the video store put Pitch Black in the African-American porn section. Imagine my disappointment when, expecting “Gangbangers IV- the Crips Take Vassar,” I was instead subjected to the bargain-basement sci-fi which is Pitch Black.
The Perfect Storm
I’ll make this quick:
1. Marky Mark sucks. I can’t quite put my finger on it but he’s unqualified to portray anyone outside of a whack-job porn star.
The Perfect Storm
Oddly, the film “The Perfect Storm” suffered from the same problems the book did, but one hundred times worse, making it The Perfect Schlock. Junger’s book is great when he’s not trying to sentimentalize the characters or situation.
Little Nicky
Starring Adam Sandler, Harvey Keitel, Patricia Arquette, Rhys Ifans, Tom ‘Tiny’ Lister Jr. Kevin Nealon and Jon Lovitz. Directed by Steven Brill, written by Adam Sandler and Tim Herlihy . Run Time 84 minutes.
Cast Away
Isn’t Cast Away supposed to be one word? Castaway? You know, like Gilligan and all his wacky companions? I suppose that by splitting castaway into two words, verb and adverb, Robert Zemeckis is making some sort of subtle symbolic comment on the state of corporate employment today.
Being John Malkovich
“Rock’s Chosen Warrior” disliked this film so much that he switched to WWF highlights. The Rock is more entertaining. He has decided that he, “The Lightening of Lancaster” will be the next WWF superstar. Therefore, “The Amish Tornado” shall conduct his reviews accordingly. He shall speak of himself in the third person!!!
The Crew
This is not a funny movie. While many films would consider that a form of praise, it’s safe to assume that a comedy movie is shooting for a stronger endorsement. While the awful script makes it pretty obvious when you’re supposed to be laughing, it simply isn’t engaging or entertaining at all. This crew of […]
Scary Movie
I was hoping this movie would be the funniest spoof since History of the World Part 1. The genre was there: Trendy Horror Flicks. The family was there: The Wayans Family, who cracked me up in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, and Don’t Be A Menace In South Central (While Drinkin’ Your Juice In The […]
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