movies that suck
Panic Room
Reviewer’s note: Many of you have been axin’ me why there ain’t any new reviews appearin’ in the site. It’s real simple. We at moviesthatsuck.com are motivated by cold hard cash. I know this will come as a big-ass surprise to most of you out there, all of whom are motivated by love, peace, understanding […]
The Sixth Sense
The Sixth Sense is a Horrible Goddamn Movie
Should someone who calls himself “M. Night” really be allowed behind a camera? It’s a question that’s dogged people for ages.
From Hell
Color Me Shitty: From Hell is an Awful Film
Everything the Hughes Brothers touch turns to crap in their latest movie
Ever spent two hours wading through filth, blood, human organs, and obnoxious British accents?
Urban Legends: Final Cut
Starring Joey Lawrence (as Joseph Lawrence) Jennifer Morrison (as Jennifer Morrison) Directed by John Ottman and Written by Paul Harris Boardman & Scott Derrickson
Is this horse dead?
I mean really, fettered, rancid and decaying dead? Are maggots crawling in its gusset and the smell of rotting flesh lingering? Yes? Then let’s flog the bitch some more!
911
Everyone calm down, forchristsake. Rufus is unhurt. You can stop building that shrine to my memory.
Here’s the deal: According to speculation amongst the “intelligence” community, some smelly motherfucker who wears a Pizza Hut tablecloth on his head decided to blow up buildings the lowlanders take pictures of whilst saying, “Marge, that’s one tall building.”
The Ninth Gate
The Ninth Gate or Why People Who Are Exiled Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Attempt An Avante Garde Movie
Planet of the Apes
Alright, all the fellas in the house! gimme a HO! if you want to knock the bottom out of some hot chimp pussy!
Planet of the Apes
Here go the Dilly-O: Make ONE decent flick in hollywoodland - just one film that makes enough to cover the executive producer’s budget for squirting transvestite hookers, Quaaludes, and Chivas - and your ass is set like a motherfucker.
Unbreakable
OK, so I know I haven’t been reviewing movies lately. I’ve been out of the trenches for nearly a year, writing the highly successful “Ask Octavia” column, which has earned me quite the impressive salary (roughly $0, American)
The Hole
The Hole aka After the Hole (US) aka Secluded Empty Space (South Africa, Europe)
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