Dr. Rufus Jackson OB-GYN
Three to Tango
I was perusing the video store this weekend purposly looking for a steaming turd in which to warn you about, and Three To Tango was the exact remedy for my situation.
In Dreams
Abe Froman, pass the dirty belt sander. I’m ready for my homemade circumcision. You can even meander longinly over my swollen purple-headed warrior with the Black & Decker contractor’s grade model.
Lethal Weapon 4
The horse is now a red spot.
Who is funding this crap and how do we go about stopping it? Now that I pause to think, a better question would be: Is there any way to find and sterilize the people who watched Lethal Weapons 1, 2 and 3 (thereby facilitating no. 4) so that they’ll […]
Mission to Mars
Have you watched college basketball lately? Noticed anything odd? Let me give you a hint…Afros and knee-high tube socks.
Yes, what comes around goes around. Heroin is huge. Puma and Adidas are back.
The Thomas Crown Affair
If you were sucked into “The Thomas Crown Affair” believing it had merit simply because a finely crafted piece named Rene Russo is in it, you’re sadly mistaken. You see my friend, Pierce Brosnan is in the movie as well.
Summer of Sam
Is it my imagination or has Spike Lee transformed himself from a self-obsessed prick into a horribly flaccid writer and director? What it must feel like to have your own foot permanently stuck in your slack-jawed mouth.
Scream 3
FUUUUUUUUHCK! How many times did I pray the scary-faced guy would sneak up behind me and slit me from ear to ear? As I was watching this third-rate retread, something occured to me: I need to write some “rules” for shitty slasher flicks, similar to the ones discussed in the original “Scream.”
Detroit Rock City
This…this…thing…chugs spooge. No matter what you think of Kiss, you have to admit that some movies just shouldn’t be made and pricetags should be put on the heads of the people who made it.
Deep Blue Sea
Nothing pisses me off worse than animal-disaster flicks with animation so poor that it makes “Frosty the Snowman” look realistic. Of course “Deep Blue Sea” has all the cliched elements…including:
Can’t Hardly Wait
There are a few things you can count on in this world.
1. Car dealers are slimy fucks who would rather fuck your eyeballs out than tell you the truth.
2. Women put emotion before logic. Period.
3. 99.9% of all high school movies suck ass.
Categories
