Dr. Rufus Jackson OB-GYN
911
Everyone calm down, forchristsake. Rufus is unhurt. You can stop building that shrine to my memory.
Here’s the deal: According to speculation amongst the “intelligence” community, some smelly motherfucker who wears a Pizza Hut tablecloth on his head decided to blow up buildings the lowlanders take pictures of whilst saying, “Marge, that’s one tall building.”
Planet of the Apes
Here go the Dilly-O: Make ONE decent flick in hollywoodland - just one film that makes enough to cover the executive producer’s budget for squirting transvestite hookers, Quaaludes, and Chivas - and your ass is set like a motherfucker.
The Bachelor
If you look up “pathetic” in a dictionary published after 1999 you should see “The Bachelor” somewhere in the definition. Oh, by the way, does anyone else out there think Bryant Gumbel needs a sand wedge applied to the back of his big fuckin’ head about fifty times?
The Wedding Planner
There’s only one thing more predictable than Rufus risin’ up late in the morning and pinchin’ a loaf the size of French bread…yes, it’s “The Wedding Planner.”
The Perfect Storm
I’ll make this quick:
1. Marky Mark sucks. I can’t quite put my finger on it but he’s unqualified to portray anyone outside of a whack-job porn star.
The Replacements
Chris Peddie…I feel your pain. Ol’ Rufus loves American football…but damn…couldn’t hollywood at least crank out a decent flick while they’re out there withouth all those friggin’ cameras, gaffers, best boys and whatnot?
Me, Myself & Irene
We at moviesthatsuck.com constantly read amateur ramblings about the Farrelly brothers and their immature humor or how much of a moron Jim Carrey is.
Autumn in New York
I’ll go out on a limb here and expose the impending hollywood crisis that is apparently being hidden from the public:
Gone in Sixty Seconds
Jerry Bruckheimer sucks ass.
He makes movies, the kind which make me want to stab random people in the neck with a butter knife.
Fight Club
I’ve waited to write a review of “Fight Club” for weeks. Occasionally I discuss reviews I’m planning with friends. When I mentioned “Fight Club” I got reactions similar to what you’d expect if I was putting Godfather Part 2 in the guilloutine. As a matter of fact, a certain individual (who shall remain nameless) accused […]
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