Dr. Rufus Jackson OB-GYN
Bad News Bears (2005)
Ebert’s at it again. First he gives Wedding Crashers a “C,” then he gives this abomination a grade of “B.” [imdb]
Quoth Nancy-boy: “What I liked most about the movie, I think, is that it undermines the self-congratulatory myths we cultivate about sports in America.”
Let’s get something straight Rodge, or better yet, let’s let Billy Bob’s […]
Wedding Crashers
Roger Ebert is an asshole. I’m not telling most of you people anything you didn’t already know. He gave wedding crashers a grade of “C.” Wedding Crashers. Not Road House. Wedding Crashers.
Quoth Nancy-boy: “It assembles all the elements for a laugh-out-loud comedy, but it can’t make them fly.”
The Whole Ten Yards
What do you get when you cross an episode of Scooby Doo and Three’s Company? The Whole Ten Yards. Think about it…a gaggle of jackass “mob” bad-guys affecting bad accents that don’t exist, and funny, semi-attractive people from Los Angeles who hide things from each other, ending in wacky hi-jinks and a plot that should […]
How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yo, peep this my peeps: Every romantic comedy is the same. Sure, some of the details in between are different, but in the end you know the two are going to have a fight, then makeup, then get together again and live in harmonious bliss: IT’S PURE, UNADULTERATED HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT!
Maid in Manhattan
Some people marry for money, some for love. Me? For shitty movies. Shaniqua wants to go see it? I guarantee it sucks. Maid in Manhattan doesn’t disappoint. Neither does Shaniqua’s ability to spit shine my shoes and make the bed.
Kangaroo Jack
Jerry Bruckheimer. That’s all I REALLY need to say. Jerry Fucking Bruckheimer. The king of the slag heap. Coyote Ugly. Gone in Sixty Seconds. Con Air. The Rock. Bad Boys. The trail of brain dead thrill-rides sprawls across the socially retarded cinema landscape like Anna Nicole Smith across a nursing home bed.
Why Hollywood Sucks
I used to enjoy going to the movies. The charge I got from seeing unbelievably daring acts on a massive screen…my pants around my ankles…massive gazongas swaying rhythmically…wait…uh…wrong theater.
Ocean’s Eleven
Have you ever had a roommate who refuses to clean anything? It’s usually someone with a dog or cat that defecates on the carpet and any other place you’re sure to step in it. And then their owner walks around the turd like it’s furniture.
Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones
For years I’ve told people that if you want to know what the worst thing on television or at the movies is, just ask my ol’ lady what she’s watching. I’m not kidding. It’s amazing.
Panic Room
Reviewer’s note: Many of you have been axin’ me why there ain’t any new reviews appearin’ in the site. It’s real simple. We at moviesthatsuck.com are motivated by cold hard cash. I know this will come as a big-ass surprise to most of you out there, all of whom are motivated by love, peace, understanding […]
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