The Cell

I have a nasty little secret.

White people scare the livin’ shit outta me. Continue reading

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Beyond the Mat

Starring Jake Roberts, Mick Foley and Vince McMahon. Produced by Barry Blauenstein Run time: Whenever you wake up, if it ain’t over, go back to sleep. Continue reading

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Rules of Engagement

Starring Tommy Lee Jones , Samuel L. Jackson , Ben Kingsley , Blair Underwood , Anne Archer, Guy Pierce. Directed by William Friedkin. Continue reading

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U-571

First off, I should say that I don’t know a whole lot about submarine warfare (urban warfare is so much cooler). But then again, what percentage of American moviegoers really do? The makers of U-571 obviously felt that the correct way to educate us was to throw together many, many scenes of submariners getting tossed around like rag dolls, interspersed with shots of them glancing upwards, panting, and waiting to get tossed around again. Continue reading

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The Love Letter

Question: Do you know what I like in a good romantic comedy? First of all, SOME comedy, and at least a LITTLE touching romance. “The Love Letter” offers neither of these… Continue reading

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Wild Wild West

After sitting through this “Wild Wild Waste” on HBO last night, I almost didn’t even take the time to write a review on it. I thought, “Surely to Heaven we already feature this piece of monkey dung on the website.” Continue reading

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The House on Haunted Hill

Starring Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Taye Diggs, Ali Larter, Brigette Wilson. Directed by William Malone, Produced by Joel Silver and Robert Zemekis. Continue reading

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Frequency

Frequency Starring Dennis Quade, Jim Caviezel, Shawn Doyle, Elizabeth Mitchell. Directed by Gregory Hoblit. Continue reading

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Gone in Sixty Seconds

What is the first thing that comes to mind when I go see a movie about stealing cars? That’s right. Car chases. Then car crashes. And also some damn cool cars. Cars that I will never be able to own, but will at least be able to drool over. So, knowing this movie would suck, I was hoping for a little Ronin-type wreckin and stick work. No such luck. Continue reading

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Forrest Gump

Brainwashing our Movie-Going Citizens: Forrest Gump is a Hateful Movie

You may wonder why this review is coming out now. That’s because it needs to: we’re suffering from a severe lack of irony in the troubled times we now find ourselves in. Continue reading

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