The Astronaut’s Wife

This movie is so damn slow, I think I got younger as I watched it. What is it with these pretentious big-budget “thrillers”? Why are they so afraid to actually try and scare people? Continue reading

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Varsity Blues

Starring James Van Der Beek, John Voight, Amy Smart, Ali Larter, Paul Walker, Scott Caan, Ron Lester and Eliel Swinton. Directed by Brian Robbins, Running time:110 mins

Hollywood apparently has to enforce the rule that once a year, everyone in the world must endure one movie about America’s national game. Football. Continue reading

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Three Kings

If I were an Iraqi, and I saw the movie Three Kings, I believe I would tender my immediate resignation to 7-11 Inc., and begin an intense letter-writing campaign to the Warner Brothers movie division. Continue reading

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Hollow Man

At first, I thought Hollow Man was going to be your typical, bloated-budget, mindless sci-fi flick, with a plot so stupid it’s insulting and characters who exist only to drape elaborate special effects upon. Continue reading

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The Haunting

The Haunting is like this really cool toy you’ve seen on TV, with all the gadgets and lights and sounds, but when you open the box and stick your hand in, it’s nothing but moldy cheese and smelly shit. Continue reading

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Shaft (2000)

Samuel L. Jackson, Vanessa L. Williams, Jeffrey Wright, Christian Bale, Busta Rhymes, Dan Hedaya, Toni Collette, Richard Roundtree Directed by John Singleton

Who is the man that they should have left as a 70’s movie icon? Continue reading

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Space Cowboys

You’ve all heard the expression “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.” Well, allow me to share my hairy, gaping opinion about the movie Space Cowboys with all of you good people. Continue reading

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Rounders

Starring Matt Damon , Edward Norton, John Turturro, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, John Malkovich , Martin Landau. Director: John Dahl. Continue reading

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Hollow Man

Shiva, Vishnu, and Khali!! You could see through the plot of this steaming pile of cow shit better than Kevin Bacon’s Hollow Man character; cocky scientist invents a way to turn shit invisible and back, decides to endrun the government and try the shit on himself, shit turns him invisible but shit doesn’t turn him back. Continue reading

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Idle Hands

Starring Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Eldon Henson, Vivica Fox. Directed by Rodman Flender. Continue reading

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