The Perfect Storm

Oddly, the film “The Perfect Storm” suffered from the same problems the book did, but one hundred times worse, making it The Perfect Schlock. Junger’s book is great when he’s not trying to sentimentalize the characters or situation. Continue reading

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Little Nicky

Starring Adam Sandler, Harvey Keitel, Patricia Arquette, Rhys Ifans, Tom ‘Tiny’ Lister Jr. Kevin Nealon and Jon Lovitz. Directed by Steven Brill, written by Adam Sandler and Tim Herlihy . Run Time 84 minutes. Continue reading

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Cast Away

Isn’t Cast Away supposed to be one word? Castaway? You know, like Gilligan and all his wacky companions? I suppose that by splitting castaway into two words, verb and adverb, Robert Zemeckis is making some sort of subtle symbolic comment on the state of corporate employment today. Continue reading

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Being John Malkovich

“Rock’s Chosen Warrior” disliked this film so much that he switched to WWF highlights. The Rock is more entertaining. He has decided that he, “The Lightening of Lancaster” will be the next WWF superstar. Therefore, “The Amish Tornado” shall conduct his reviews accordingly. He shall speak of himself in the third person!!! Continue reading

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The Crew

This is not a funny movie. While many films would consider that a form of praise, it’s safe to assume that a comedy movie is shooting for a stronger endorsement. While the awful script makes it pretty obvious when you’re supposed to be laughing, it simply isn’t engaging or entertaining at all. This crew of actors deserves a lot better than such tired and forced jokes like ‘old man farting’, ‘old man peeing’, and ‘old man farting again’. Continue reading

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Scary Movie

I was hoping this movie would be the funniest spoof since History of the World Part 1. The genre was there: Trendy Horror Flicks. The family was there: The Wayans Family, who cracked me up in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, and Don’t Be A Menace In South Central (While Drinkin’ Your Juice In The Hood.) I was looking forward to the same kinda laughs in Scary Movie. Continue reading

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The Replacements

Chris Peddie…I feel your pain. Ol’ Rufus loves American football…but damn…couldn’t hollywood at least crank out a decent flick while they’re out there withouth all those friggin’ cameras, gaffers, best boys and whatnot? Continue reading

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Me, Myself & Irene

We at moviesthatsuck.com constantly read amateur ramblings about the Farrelly brothers and their immature humor or how much of a moron Jim Carrey is. Continue reading

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Autumn in New York

I’ll go out on a limb here and expose the impending hollywood crisis that is apparently being hidden from the public: Continue reading

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Bats

I like watching people get eaten. In addition to porn, I also like watching people get eaten by monsters. Pick your phylum, it’s all good: rats, bats, cats, gnats, snails, quails, gerbils in the habitrails, germs, worms, alien sperms, hares, bears, or people from under the stairs. If someone’s getting bit, watch where I’ll sit. Continue reading

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