Kangaroo Jack

Jerry Bruckheimer. That’s all I REALLY need to say. Jerry Fucking Bruckheimer. The king of the slag heap. Coyote Ugly. Gone in Sixty Seconds. Con Air. The Rock. Bad Boys. The trail of brain dead thrill-rides sprawls across the socially retarded cinema landscape like Anna Nicole Smith across a nursing home bed. Continue reading

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Why Hollywood Sucks

I used to enjoy going to the movies. The charge I got from seeing unbelievably daring acts on a massive screen…my pants around my ankles…massive gazongas swaying rhythmically…wait…uh…wrong theater. Continue reading

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Ocean’s Eleven

Have you ever had a roommate who refuses to clean anything? It’s usually someone with a dog or cat that defecates on the carpet and any other place you’re sure to step in it. And then their owner walks around the turd like it’s furniture. Continue reading

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Mr. Deeds

When Abe and I began work on moviesthatsuck.com back at the end of 1999, one of the things we discussed was not turning MTS into a collection of movie reviews that obviously suck. As Abe so sagely put it: “That’d be like us grabbing the nearest homeless person and yelling, ‘Hey everybody, this guy smells like piss!'” Continue reading

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Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones

For years I’ve told people that if you want to know what the worst thing on television or at the movies is, just ask my ol’ lady what she’s watching. I’m not kidding. It’s amazing. Continue reading

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Panic Room

Reviewer’s note: Many of you have been axin’ me why there ain’t any new reviews appearin’ in the site. It’s real simple. We at moviesthatsuck.com are motivated by cold hard cash. I know this will come as a big-ass surprise to most of you out there, all of whom are motivated by love, peace, understanding and other gum-drop-teddy-bear shit. Continue reading

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The Sixth Sense

The Sixth Sense is a Horrible Goddamn Movie

Should someone who calls himself “M. Night” really be allowed behind a camera? It’s a question that’s dogged people for ages. Continue reading

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From Hell

Color Me Shitty: From Hell is an Awful Film
Everything the Hughes Brothers touch turns to crap in their latest movie

Ever spent two hours wading through filth, blood, human organs, and obnoxious British accents? Continue reading

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Urban Legends: Final Cut

Starring Joey Lawrence (as Joseph Lawrence) Jennifer Morrison (as Jennifer Morrison) Directed by John Ottman and Written by Paul Harris Boardman & Scott Derrickson

Is this horse dead?

I mean really, fettered, rancid and decaying dead? Are maggots crawling in its gusset and the smell of rotting flesh lingering? Yes? Then let’s flog the bitch some more! Continue reading

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Abe Froman’s Take on World Affairs

Okay, the world as we know it has come to an end, and I have been noticeably (at least I hope someone noticed) absent from moviesthatsuck. No, I haven’t been offed by Middle Eastern heathen. Here’s what’s been on my mind the last two weeks: Continue reading

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