Three Kings

Oh God…here we go again…Marky Mark and George Clooney’s pre-“Perfect Storm” foray into suckiness. Aren’t we supposed to “feel” something for the people on the screen? Again, just like “The Perfect Storm” I couldn’t wait to get up and leave! It was just ridiculous. Had I been one of those towel heads, I would have simply shot the fuckers. Continue reading

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Next Friday

You know, it’s a damn shame when a cool brotha like Ice Cube makes a dumb-ass decision. No, I ain’t talkin’ about his hair style (although I DO think he’d look fly with a fade. Why don’t we see that shit no more?) What I’m talking about is his decision to make an unnecessary sequel to a perfectly fine movie. Continue reading

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Any Given Sunday

Director: Oliver Stone…this is gonna be good…

Rufus likes football. Rufus likes movies.

Throw Oliver Stone between ’em and what do you get? The closest thing I can compare Any Given Sunday to is the feeling one would get by taking a fistfull of LSD while watching Tupac videos. Continue reading

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Entrapment

I received my Direct-TV bill the other day and enclosed was a small brochure promoting pay-per-view movies. A photo montage promoting Entrapment was on the cover. Sean Connery, a master thief in the film, was looming in the background and in front of him was Catherine Zeta-Jones. What was in front of her, you may ask? Lasers. Continue reading

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Play It to the Bone

You know what I hate? When movie writers try to make their characters interesting just by giving them some eccentric quirk. Like just because this one-dimensional character has some little idiosyncrasy, I’m supposed to identify with ’em and give a crap if they live or die. Well, up yours! I don’t. Continue reading

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The General’s Daughter

The General’s Daughter If you fall into a pit filled with shit, do you sit there and endure the stench, or do you rant and rave and curse the person who dug the pit? Unfortunately, it is my job to take the stench. Continue reading

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The Talented Mr. Ripley

Bleeeech! What the hell was I thinkin’? A friggin’ chick flick replete with Ivy League idle rich, Italians, male homosexuality (as opposed to the cool kind), and expensive boats without motors. Add in bad jazz and a storyline that swerved more than a plane piloted by John Denver, and you have a turd that floats along about an hour after your ass goes to sleep. Continue reading

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Notting Hill

E=MC2. That’s a formula.

Notting Hill. That too is a formula, only Notting Hill is the kind that will make you wish you were like Einstein…dead. Continue reading

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Point Blank

Point Blank is utterly forgettable, straight-to-video smegma. It’s a blatant, faceless, terribly-acted Die Hard rip-off (a gaggle of terrorists take over a mall and are picked off one at a time by ex-Texas ranger Mickey Rourke.) Don’t see it. Continue reading

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Message in a Bottle

Has Kevin Costner had a lobotomy? The last time I saw a performance this wooden, Al Gore was giving a speech. Were the cue cards for this movie written in big fat kindergarten crayon? If you thought Eyes Wide Shut was slow, shit! Whip out the thick brown molasses for this puppy. Continue reading

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