Boys Don’t Cry

I have to admit my hopes were set kinda high on this one. I mean honestly, lesbians, rednecks, cheap beer, and cows. Sounds like the zany cookouts we have here in Lancaster. Continue reading

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Mission to Mars

Have you watched college basketball lately? Noticed anything odd? Let me give you a hint…Afros and knee-high tube socks.

Yes, what comes around goes around. Heroin is huge. Puma and Adidas are back. Continue reading

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Mission to Mars

If you substitute “Dead Ass” for the word “Mars” in the title of this movie, you’ve got a good idea what to expect when you watch it. Brian DePalma, this is Houston: Mission to Dead Ass accomplished! This movie is one slow sumbitch. Continue reading

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Tomorrow Never Dies

Tomorrow never dies… but I wish James Bond would. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of the old 007 flicks. I just think that the recent incarnations have become far too preposterous to go on living. When the fuck did James Bond become god? Continue reading

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Gosford Park

So What the Fuck is New?
British people repress sexuality and conflict over class in Gosford Park, a murder mystery sans mystery or, for most of the movie, a murder.
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Blue Streak

Can anyone tell me why Martin Lawrence is famous? It can’t be because he’s funny, since he clearly is not. Perhaps he blew Eddie Murphy with the understanding that Eddie would make him famous by sticking him in a few movies. I just don’t get it. His sitcom sucked, his stand-up act sucks, and his movies suck (with the possible exception of “Boomerang”. There; I said something positive. Happy?). Continue reading

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Reindeer Games

Reindeer Games had two strikes against it before I even saw frame one. First, it was a friggin’ Christmas movie. Just what I need as Spring is arriving: a visual reminder of all the bills I have left over from all the useless holiday crap I bought my ungrateful relatives this Christmas. Second, I saw a newspaper ad claiming Reindeer games was a “sexy, smart thrillride.” Continue reading

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Krippendorf’s Tribe

This movie would’ve been aptly titled “Crippled Dork’s Bribe”! Who the hell had the bright idea to cast Richard Dreyfuss in anything other than a soup commercial? This guy has the charm and charisma of a sneaker full of dog shit. Continue reading

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The Thomas Crown Affair

If you were sucked into “The Thomas Crown Affair” believing it had merit simply because a finely crafted piece named Rene Russo is in it, you’re sadly mistaken. You see my friend, Pierce Brosnan is in the movie as well. Continue reading

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Snake Eyes

Before I enter into the world of pain that is Nicholas Cage, I have to answer a letter that was recently sent to me. But first, a little background… Continue reading

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