Starring Matt Damon , Edward Norton, John Turturro, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, John Malkovich , Martin Landau. Director: John Dahl.
An open letter to Miramax:
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to you after watching the recent movie Rounders. I was glued to my seat. Had I not been, I would have left within the first 5 minutes. Who makes the decisions on which scripts get the go ahead and which do not? I, and my colleagues at a certain Web site which will remain nameless, would love to know the procedure in which a film is transferred from an idea scrawled in a drunken frenzy on the back of a half peeled beer mat, to gracing the screen before us.
This film was not bad, it was awful. LetÕs look at the track record for Miramax:
Best of the Best 5 – No Turning back. (This speaks for itself)
Brassed Off – There’s no place in England like this!!!
Emma – Another period drama from the Branagh family.
Copland – Even an all star cast canÕt save this piece of shit.
4 Rooms Ð TarantinoÕs only good films are “Reservoir Dogs” and “Pulp Fiction”
Jackie Brown – See above
Good Will Humping – Damon stars in some shit!
The Postman – The trouble with Kevin Costner is that his films arenÕt long enough.
And finally one of the worst films ever made, “The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill and Came Down a Prostitutes Throat!” – Hugh Grant as a jittery Englishman – not seen often enough.
Please stop churning out intolerable shite. Rounders was a slow and poor film. In case you are unaware, two poker buddies travel with each other all over the country. They stop when one of them (Norton) goes to jail, and the other settles into college to be a lawyer (Damon). Damon enters a syndicate (I only mention this as it features Famke Janssen) and when Norton gets out of jail he falls foul of KGB, a Russian gangster played by John Malkovich.
Lead into a run of play where they have to raise $15k in 5 days by playing poker. Predictably, they almost have the money, then they lose it, then they have it again, then they lose it… This goes on awhile till Damon plays Malkovich and wins – blah, blah, blah.
The saving grace for the film was that they did not use slow motion when each card was dealt, or when they placed chips in the middle of the table. Otherwise, I may have hung myself. If it came down to watching Rounders again, or having my eyes gouged out – I’d take the ocular challenge.
I beg of you, stop making shite!
Otherwise keep up the good work,