Idle Hands

Starring Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Eldon Henson, Vivica Fox. Directed by Rodman Flender.

Seldom will I rent a film that has passed the cinema by. In my infinite wisdom, and knowing that a number of Kevin Smith films (Clerks, Mall Rats and Chasing Amy) all went straight to video in the UK, sometimes I like to give the little fellas a chance. Why must they bite the hand that feeds??

The DVD section in my local rental establishment is small to say the least. Only last year did they stop renting Beta Max tapes. I shouldn’t really rent there anymore. I am tempted to go to Blockbuster or the like, but my local store has the only copy of “Killer Bikini Lesbian Vampire Fisters” I can find. For some strange reason, I rented another film instead – Idle Hands.

Please understand I DO like schlock horror movies. I have a number of low-budget, slasher, zombie and psycho-killer flicks on video/DVD. That is why I wrote this review. Idle Hands stinks like a festering corpse with a dead rat up it’s ass. If they had made Amityville 9 – Curse of the Standard Lamp, it probably would have looked like a Scorsese in comparison.

Opening scene – A mum and dad are in bed. They switch off the lights and in florescent paint on the ceiling they see “I’m Under the BED.” Please!?! Urban Legend was shit, but better than this! After that we get the usual teenagers getting stoned, police bullying the anti-hero, etc. etc. Did you know that all kids below the age of 23, who aren’t on the run from the police, all smoke pot and talk about sex but never actually get laid? And if they are black then they are the pillar of the community, a police snitch, or a dope dealer. This is the mediation of Hollywood towards the youth of today.

In Idle Hands, this little fucker turns out to have his hand possessed and it kills his mum and dad, his cat, his best friends, 2 police men and some other people. He cuts the hand off and then the hand runs amok. For what they lose in translation from script to tape, they never actually recapture. In other words, the idea is simple – the film is shit.

If Idle Hands are the devil’s tools, then the lazy bastards who wrote this pile of steaming turds should take a leaf from their own script. I’m going to return the disc to the store now. I may rent a porno movie, then I can see a real hand possessed!

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