Forrest Gump

Brainwashing our Movie-Going Citizens: Forrest Gump is a Hateful Movie

You may wonder why this review is coming out now. That’s because it needs to: we’re suffering from a severe lack of irony in the troubled times we now find ourselves in. Anyone found criticizing our government publicly is ridiculed and lambasted and, in come cases, censured outright. The moral universe of Forrest Gump is scarily similar to where we find ourselves today: black and white. You’re either with us all the way, or you’re in trouble. It’s basically a propaganda piece, despite all the bullshit tricks Zemeckis and company use to try to cloud the issue: the clever use of special effects, a score that acts like the mental equivalent of when your big brother bends your arm back until you cry, and the scary excesses of Tom Hank’s charm (does anyone besides me suspect him of kidnapping and molesting children? Even if he doesn’t, I have a feeling he’d be really good at it). What the movie boils down to is a love letter to one man’s fascisistic adherence to the rules. The message of the movie, writ loud and clear across just about every frame, is DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD. Forrest Gump is, without a doubt, the most hateful, manipulative, and damaging movie to come out of Hollywood in the past decade – perhaps the past century. Somehow, though, the American movie-going public not only accepted it, but they ate that shit up like mother’s milk. Rather than storming out of theaters ready to topple the government and bomb Hollywood into submission, people threw Oscars at them. Oscars, for fuck’s sake!

From the beginning to the end, Forrest Gump does not do anything without being told to. Here’s a quick rundown: Jenny tells Forrest to run; Forrest runs. In college, a football coach (again) tells Forrest to run: Forrest runs. The audience at the football game tells Forrest to stop; Forrest stops. An army recruiter tells Forrest to join the army; Forrest joins. A guy standing on the sidewalk in a strange city(!) tells Forrest to get on a bus; Forrest gets on the bus. President Johnson tells Forrest to show his ass; Forrest shows his ass. Lieutenant Dan tells Forrest to follow him around New York; Forrest follows him around New York. Bubba tells Forrest to buy a shrimping boat; Forrest buys a fishing boat. And whenever he’s in doubt, what does Forrest do? Forrest runs. Because that’s what he’s been told to do, again and again and again.

Meanwhile, what is the love of his life Jenny up to? She’s living the polar opposite of him: traveling through history by way of the counterculture. She’s questioning norms, she’s involving herself in drugs, she’s having sex, she’s singing about peace in the nude, she’s participating in Anti-Vietnam rallies, she’s making friends with Black Panthers, she’s leading her own life. She’s a fun-loving party girl! She’s thinking for herself! And guess what? She gets a mystery disease and dies. Why? Because, apparently, free thinking gets you killed, while doing what you’re told gets you not only the love of your life, but academic success, military success, fame, money, travel around the world, a succesful business, a solid investment portfolio, a beautiful home in Alabama, a job you love, and a brilliant, adorable child.

Are you fucking kidding me? How can anyone watch this movie without tripping their gag reflex? How did thinking people even come up with this shit? It’s like something a manipulative, oppressive government would come up with in order to keep the people happy and in line. In fact, that’s what it probably is. Look for it to be re-released in theaters this Christmas, with a special message from George W at the beginning, explaining why we need Gump now more than ever. Then get ready for the police state.

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