Teaching Mrs. Tingle

What has the intellectual punch of a Bon Jovi song, the intricate plotting of the movies Presumed Impotent and Womb Broom 2, and the stark realism of a WWF wrestling match? The answer is, of course, Teaching Mrs. Tingle.

Mrs. Tingle is a high school history teacher who hates everyone, everything, and is a real top-notch beeyotch (hey that rhymes!) She flunks an A student who then kidnaps her, ties her up, and tries to persuade her to change her grade. As expected things go horribly awry.

Most of this movie is scene after scene of teens waxing philosophic about their futures, moaning about how underappreciated they are, how big people suck…

Newsflash ya little bastards! Teenagers can’t grab their asses with both hands. That’s what being a teenager is all about: fucking up! Get drunk, get laid, smoke bales of dope. Lord knows you’re not good for anything else except taking my groceries to the car (you little men out there) and (young ladies) fueling my mastubatory fantasies.

Now be careful putting that case of YooHoo in my trunk, and tell your little girlfriend in the cheerleader outfit I’ve got a quarter in my pocket if she wants to reach in and grab it. Punk.

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