The Muse

Ouch. This one hurt a little. I love Albert Brooks, so the fact that I’m about to tear his movie apart causes a bit of salt water to well-up in my eyes (not the glass one, though; I lost all feeling in that eye socket after the light bulb incident…never mind, I don’t want to talk about it) Just remember, Albert: I’m doing this for your own good. This will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you…

In “The Muse,” Albert Brooks’ character is pretty much typical Brooks. Self conscious and neurotic Hollywood screenwriter who has a bout with writer’s block and ends up enlisting the aid of a mysterious woman (played by the eternal skank, Sharon Stone) who claims that she inspire artists who have hit the proverbial brick wall of artistic impasse. She moves in with Brooks and his wife, played by Andie MacDowell in an attempt to get Brooks back on track. The story was quirky enough that I usually would find it interesting. The problem was in the casting. Albert’s choice of hiring Stone and MacDowell killed this movie. The two had scenes together where, I swear to God, I thought I was watching a cable access infommercial about the latest in feminine hygiene technology. You fully expect one of them to turn to the camera and say (robotically and in a monotone voice), “The Slit-Master 2000 removes all unwanted hair and vegetation with the single touch of a button. Before I found this amazing product, I had a bush you could plant tomatoes in. Now I’m ready for bikini season. THANKS, Slit-Master!”. With Sharon Stone, this is pretty much a no-brainer; You know you’re going to get shitty acting when you see that she’s in a film. I’m convinced that casting directors sit around plotting this.

(Casting Director #1): “We need an aging, has-been hack actress with a big ass. Who’s free?”

(Casting Director #2): “Well, I saw Sharon Stone down at the Mission, selling plasma for $6.”

(Casting Director #1): “Perfect! Go pick her up, de-louse her and pick me up some lunch while you’re out.”

The surprising part for me was Andie MacDowell. She did an abhorently bad acting job in this film. Andie, I’m willing to forgive you this time, based on your prior efforts. But cross me again and you’ll hear about it, woman!

Don’t waste your money on “The Muse”. Your time would be better spent checking our some of Albert Brooks’ better films like Mother, Broadcast News, Modern Romance, or Real Life.

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