Lethal Weapon 4

The horse is now a red spot.

Who is funding this crap and how do we go about stopping it? Now that I pause to think, a better question would be: Is there any way to find and sterilize the people who watched Lethal Weapons 1, 2 and 3 (thereby facilitating no. 4) so that they’ll never reproduce?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some fascist prick, but when it comes to Lethal Weapon movies there ought to be a law.

Mel “Moe” Gibson, Danny “Larry” Glover and Joe “Curly” Pesci talk over each other, screaming like trailer trash (see Moe) about ridiculous situations in which they find themselves. So what is, you may ask, the lasting difference between The Three Stooges and Lethal Weapon? The Three Stooges were funny and entertaining. And comparatively speaking, intellectual.

Lethal Weapon 4 is a sad, pathetic gun show replete with exploding tanker trucks, breaking glass and angry Chinese mobsters with goofy-looking stereotypical fake Chinese teeth. The Stooges even do the “Fried Lice” joke. O.K…that was funny…but there are probably even better criticisms I could level against this knee-slapper-for-people-with-a-sub-70-I.Q., but being able to walk and chew gum at the same time forced my desire for mental survival to kick in and eject the DVD after 50 minutes.

You could say I’m too impatient to wait for the characters to develop…of course you’d be wrrroooonnnng! This is number 4. We all know that Moe is going to end up with a handful of Larry’s hair before the first commercial break.

Twice before we turned this shit-magnet off, my ol’ lady predicted what would happen next. Once when the Stooges were in Larry’s fishing boat and a lumbering, rusted Chinese hunk-o-nautical shit comes out of the fog to narrowly miss the Stooges. Boy Howdy! Ain’t that funny! Hardy Fucking Har! Those slopes sure are funny when you shoot them off that boat, sprawling and spewing innerds as they fall into the ocean spraying AK-47 bullets into the air! If I only had a lobotomy I’d be able to enjoy this.

Then, like a wealthy guest at a dinner being catered by the Stooges, appears Chris Rock in all his complete-lack-of-acting-ability and brother-with-a-tree-sloth’s-hands glory. Fuck Chris Rock in his skinny little buck-toothed ass. Will someone please tell this little punk-ass bitch to go ahead and become what he is destined to be…a poor-man’s Arsenio Hall?!

The thing I found most disturbing about this shit-for-brains muckety-muck was the swipes they constantly took at the NRA. Which Hollywood genius thought that would be effective? You’ve got coke-sniffing Hollywood rump-ranger morons producing movies with more gunfire than the Battle of the Bulge and they have the audacity to preach to the NRA about promoting gun violence? That’s the equivalent of Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy, King of Porn, making back-handed remarks about how horrible it is that the pool guy fucking his wife is promoting promiscuity.Take note jackass Hollywood producers: nobody is looking to you or Warren Beaty to form their political world view…nobody except maybe Bill Clinton.

Lethal Weapon 4 gets 600 Swayzes:
x 600

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