Summer of Sam

Is it my imagination or has Spike Lee transformed himself from a self-obsessed prick into a horribly flaccid writer and director? What it must feel like to have your own foot permanently stuck in your slack-jawed mouth.

After tolerating an agonizing 2 1/2 hours of the “Summer of Sam,” (Summer…the length of time the movie approximates using boredom) I recommend Spike get the treatment he suggested for Charlton Heston. In reality, shooting Spike would be a waste of lead, so let’s not waste resources. Besides, the world needs untalented assholes with egos the size of John Holmes’ dork like Spike Lee, Counting Crows, Brad Pitt, Rosie O’Donnell, Puff (on dicks) Daddy, Al Gore, David Hasselhoff, Larry King, and [insert name of singing, dancing, homo-erotic boy band here] so that when something well done really does surface, we’ll embrace it with fervor.

I once heard Samuel L. Jackson remark that Spike didn’t like the fact that Quentin Tarantino uses the word “nigger” so frequently in his movies. Apparently Spike isn’t offended by other slang. If I could, without going on a Berkowitz-style homicidal killing spree of my own, I’d watch the “Summer of Sam” again to count the words that ARE NOT “fuck, shit, motherfucker, goddamn, faggot” or other high-brow big-words Spike is so fond of writing. “Doctor, heal thyself.”

Now you may be saying, “Rufus, why do you want rip a brother like that? He’s just telling it like it is!”

Why?

Because Spike Lee hasn’t made a good movie since…well…since he’s been alive. I can’t say that Spike’s characters have ever moved me to do anything besides think, “Yep, there’s Spike talking.” I usually just watch as Spike beats us over the head with his prejudice. Italian Ron Jeremy look-a-likes bathed in gold chains and tight polyester pants beat their fellow Guidos senseless in the streets of the Bronx. Give any common, uneducated shit-bag a camera and you can get that crap.

Oh! Did I mention that I just described the whole friggin’ movie? Sure, there’s the occasional scene with David Berkowitz capping some kids, mid-coitus, but the rest is New York white trash bludgeoning each other.

Sorry Spike…..bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!! No Oscar again!!! You suck ass!!!

Summer of Sam gets 99 Swayzes:

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