I received my Direct-TV bill the other day and enclosed was a small brochure promoting pay-per-view movies. A photo montage promoting Entrapment was on the cover. Sean Connery, a master thief in the film, was looming in the background and in front of him was Catherine Zeta-Jones. What was in front of her, you may ask? Lasers.

How fitting. This film was simply about ass and lasers. Nothing more. Nothing less. Oh, sure, there was some mention about burgulary…some sort of romance between the geriatric Connery and the pert and tight Zeta-Jones (-Douglas?), but the film was entirely forgettable turn-key Hollywood screen filler. It’s too bad they couldn’t find a way to insert Shania Twain, Jennifer Lopez and a few more lasers. Had they done that, they would have created the world’s finest ass and laser movie. Throw in some lesbian scenes…and Rufus is buyin’ this one on DVD.

So what kind of dick-hole enjoys a movie like this? Clearly if you enjoy hokey, cliched, poorly conceived films with ridiculous non-existant technology and ludicrous soap-opera-like dialogue, go see this shit licker.

Entrapment gets 1000 Swayzes:
x 1000

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