Johnny Hooper’s clone reviews “The Island”

I don’t mean to be one of these malcontented clones that bitches constantly about doing all the “work work work work work work work” while our original versions have all the Bacchantic, hedonist fun there is to be had, generally. I know that I was created in a lab in a Petri dish, and that I lack an everlasting soul. But I couldn’t help myself from a little Tom Foolery when JohnnyHooper version 1.0, or as he’s known around here at the clone compund, Johnny Hooper, TOSOB (the original son of a bitch), got the opportunity to go see “The Island.” He told me to go get him a nice warm glass of milk, so I did and added a Xanax. Voila, a warm glass of shut the hell up! You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep! Hey, why should it be the case that I do absolutely all of his damn chores while he goes out and philanders? I think I deserve to be able to see a freakin’ movie every once in awhile, especially one about this subject matter. Actually though, J. Hoop is not that bad of a TOSOB. Don’t even get me started on that asshole Freddie Prinze Jr. v. 2.0’s DNA donor. Holy mackerel, that guy sucks even more than any of us, and there are some real jackass clones out there (Trev Alberts v. 2.0), believe me! At any rate, since I don’t see that many movies, I don’t have a big frame of reference, but I had some problems with this one. First of all, it’s set in the future, and there are these things that are basically flyin’ motorcycles. However, only Djaimon Hounsou’s clones of the A-team seems to have them, which is just ridiculous. If there were such a thing as flyin’ motorcycles, they’d be all over the place. It’s also good to see that so many cars have had no design changes in the future, and that explosions, falls, and machine-gun fire are quite easily survivable. This movie has no credibility for me. Fuck this shit, and go rent “Multiplicity” for a good movie about clones and an interesting look at Michael Keaton’s work pre-“Herbie.”

This entry was posted in movies that suck. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Johnny Hooper’s clone reviews “The Island”

  1. Surely the Scarlett Johanssen clone has some redeeming value!

  2. You bet your ass she does! Holy Snuppy…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *