Bad News Bears (2005)

Ebert’s at it again. First he gives Wedding Crashers a “C,” then he gives this abomination a grade of “B.” [imdb]

Quoth Nancy-boy: “What I liked most about the movie, I think, is that it undermines the self-congratulatory myths we cultivate about sports in America.”

Let’s get something straight Rodge, or better yet, let’s let Billy Bob’s Morris Buttermaker ask you: “You got daddy issues or somethin’?”

Fat kids and nerds who didn’t play sports and can’t possibly understand the virtues of sport and what it teaches the 95% of children who CAN put one foot in front of the other. Teamwork, perseverance, hard work…the sheer joy of being a catcher and stepping aside to let a 60 mph fastball catch the jackass umpire right in the nuts. Hey, if he wasn’t making all those bad calls, that would have never happened.

And Roger, if you hate the “self-congratulator myths” we’re concocting, go watch the rest of the world get all hopped up on beer and Red Bull to watch a 0-0 tie. You’ll come running back to the only part of the world where a winner and a loser seem to be a necessity in sport. A tie isn’t like kissing your sister, it’s like watching your mom in a gang-bang video.

Now, about Bad News Bears [official site].

Bad: inferior, sub-standard, unfaborable, undesirable, unsatisfactory.

Look people, if you’ve already seen it, you could at least recognize that everything you need to know about Bad News Bears is in the first word of the title. I know that watching Billy Bob portray a slovenly drunk can be entertaining, but for the love of everything that is good and right…let it go Hollywood…let it go.

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One Response to Bad News Bears (2005)

  1. tabbs says:

    Personally, Billy-Bob peaked at the slovenly drunk thing in Bad Santa…which featured…wait for it…a fat kid. I think Ebert saw the parallel that wasn’t there.

    And exactly what “self-congratulatory myths” does the U.S. cultivate about sports? I was clumsy as hell as a kid, and I STILL played sports. And yes, I actually liked to win. It beat the hell out of losing.

    Yes, I actually enjoy soccer and rubgy, but I also enjoy watching a sporting event that DOESN’T end in a tie. It makes the afternoon I wasted worthwhile sometimes. I don’t have to feel guilty that I wasn’t cutting the lawn or washing my hair or…somethin’.

    Bastard. I’m all for roasting him on a spit…ALIVE.

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