Maid in Manhattan

Some people marry for money, some for love. Me? For shitty movies. Shaniqua wants to go see it? I guarantee it sucks. Maid in Manhattan doesn’t disappoint. Neither does Shaniqua’s ability to spit shine my shoes and make the bed.

Similac, Enfamil, Isomil, Enfalac: all formula replacements for titty milk.

Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, Angel Eyes, Enough: all formula replacements for entertainment.

Maid in Manhattan attempted numerous times to be funny. Unfortunately for the men forced at pussy-point to watch this movie, it was as funny as watching someone run a key down the side of your freshly painted 63 drop-top Impala.

One poor sap in the theater laughed every time there was point where something funny would have been nice, but the writers, combined with the actors plotted to not be funny. You know a movie sucks ass when the funniest part of the romantic comedy is some lobotomized jackass laughing out loud in the theater.

And what is it about this skank from the Bronx? Can she not find a decent Puerto Rican to do a movie with? I mean c’mon she’s starred with Matthew McConaughey, Ralph Fiennes, and is now bangin’ Ben “Chicklet-Teeth” Afflec, the most ridiculous leading man in Hollywood since Marky Mark. Who’s next, Martin Mull? Hugh Grant? Al Roker?

Think I’m being too harsh? Check out IMDB:

Maid in Manhattan gets 4.9 stars
Roadhouse gets 5.3 stars

When you’re getting your ass kicked by the cornerstone of ass-sucking movies, it’s time to quit.

Maid in Manhattan gets 1,000 Swayzes:
x 1000

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