When Abe and I began work on moviesthatsuck.com back at the end of 1999, one of the things we discussed was not turning MTS into a collection of movie reviews that obviously suck. As Abe so sagely put it: “That’d be like us grabbing the nearest homeless person and yelling, ‘Hey everybody, this guy smells like piss!'”
That being said, I must admit that on occasion, I have a habit of watching movies starring people Adam Sandler. Furthermore, there’s no debating that Sandler’s movies are sophomoric pieces of crap, the kind which we generally don’t choose to review. (Don’t understand? Read the last sentence of the last paragraph again.) My life is so stressful that sometimes I just want to watch someone get kicked in the pills. I want to see talking dogs. Public urination. Jokes about bit tits…dog farts…people with unusually large foreheads.
Most critics have looked down their nose at Sandler for quite some time, as if he’s trying to make art flicks and they’re ready to kick his ass for not making the grade. Unfortunately some critics are actually giving Mr. Deeds good reviews. It’s too bad because Mr. Deeds is funny and entertaining in the same way that Ozzy Osbourne is an intellectual icon. Thirty minutes in, I was squirming like Rodney King on the shoulder of the freeway.
I wanted to scream, “Kick someone in the balls, Sandler!…Get hit by a bus!!!! Slam somebody’s fingers in a door!!! Tackle someone and bloody their uniform!!! Instead Sandler wails on a couple of people…but in the end is simply a “nice guy” who bored the fuck out of me. Of course in the end, Sandler gets the girl, which I’m convinced is the only reason he started doing movies. If I wanted to watch a movie where the nice guy gets the girl, I’ll rent a Mary Kate and Ashley movie.
Mr. Deeds gets 10 Swayzes: