The Perfect Storm

I’ll make this quick:

1. Marky Mark sucks. I can’t quite put my finger on it but he’s unqualified to portray anyone outside of a whack-job porn star.

2. George Clooney is rich and famous because of the television show “E.R.” “I’m not a doctor, or an actor for that matter, but I play one on T.V.” Every time he opens his mouth I expect an excuse for why he’s poking some nurse in the broom closet.

3. Rednecks with small penises. Let’s not beat around the bush…those “fishermen” were out there for one reason: they were upset (mainly the Captain) because that hussy captain-woman outfished them.

4. Of course there’s also the factor that they’re too stupid to do anything else…or that they don’t want any of their beer drinking buddies to know about their unquenchable desire for cock at sea.

5. Animation…pretty weak shit. Also, if you think those schlubs can swim in hurricane swells, you deserve to like this bilge.

6. It’s a friggin’ stupid natural disaster movie. These movies are always bad. You have common people doing things sooooo ridiculously impossible that it ruins any and all credibility. For example…Marky Mark trying to re-attach the antenna…Dr. Clooney trying to cut the anchor loose, unbelievable and impossible at the same time.

The Perfect Storm gets 7 1/2 Swayzes.

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