Autumn in New York

I’ll go out on a limb here and expose the impending hollywood crisis that is apparently being hidden from the public:

VIDEOTAPE IS IN EXTREMELY SHORT SUPPLY AND IS NOW BEING RATIONED.

How do I know this? I don’t have any proof other than the fact that “Autumn in New York” has been released on film in theaters instead of going straight to video. “Autumn in New York” is really more like Summer in New York: it reeks like vagrant’s urine and barf in a dark feces broth. Apparently “Autumn in New York” was written by the same brilliant people who have crafted so many Godzilla movies, then used a Japanese-English dictionary to translate the script into English. For example…

“But you’re sick!”
“I’m right here right now!”

“You look at me in a way I haven’t quite earned.”
“Then earn it.”

“So what do you want for Christmas?”
“More of this.”

“Godzirra! Mothra! This is a showdown mammoth with proportions epic in magnitude!”

I’ll be honest: when I first saw the trailer for “Autumn in New York” my first thought was…is this Saturday Night Live’s first commercial break with one of their famous commercial spoofs? Unfortunately it wasn’t.

Can you actually believe that someone would actually still cast Richard Gere opposite Wynona Ryder in a romantic movie? I assume someone, somewhere actually clamors for this bilge just like mouth-breathing, flat-chested high-school sophmore girls with sub 90 I.Q.’s go apeshit for N’Sync, but I’ll never understand it.

“Autumn in New York” gets 16 Swayzes:

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