Monthly Archives: April 2000

Out of Towners

Before I begin this scathing vitriol on a movie so incredibly appalling that I wanted to close my eyes and ears and go “Hmmmm, La La…Hmmmm, I’m not listening…la la la…”, I wanted to say hello to some friends in … Continue reading

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The Muse

Ouch. This one hurt a little. I love Albert Brooks, so the fact that I’m about to tear his movie apart causes a bit of salt water to well-up in my eyes (not the glass one, though; I lost all … Continue reading

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10 Things I Hate About You

This will be short, but sweet kids. Here are the 10 things I hated about “10 Things I Hate About You”

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End of Days

To paraphrase Ahnold from the kick-ass film, ‘Predator’; “If it sucks, we can film it!”

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Three to Tango

I was perusing the video store this weekend purposly looking for a steaming turd in which to warn you about, and Three To Tango was the exact remedy for my situation.

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Superstar

Every century or so I make a mistake of global proportions. Well, boys and girls,Master Origami just screwed the pooch again! Superstar! SUPERSTAR!

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The Bone Collector

This actually happened. As I was leaving the theater after enduring the Bone Collector, a tall man wearing a baseball cap and sporting a huge handlebar moustache approached me in the parking lot. He wanted to make a deal. He … Continue reading

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Stuart Little

Blowing the plot for you is a quick blessing so here it goes: Ozzie and Harriet adopt a mouse to increase their tax write off 1.01 children. The older sibling is not pleased, but the witty well-dressed mouse wins him … Continue reading

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Ready to Rumble

OK. Let’s shoot straight from the hip here. If you’re a heterosexual male, and are a fan of professional wrestling, you secretly desire to chug cock. Not just run-of-the-mill, pasty accountant cock though. Big, meaty, overly tanned wiener is what … Continue reading

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In Dreams

Abe Froman, pass the dirty belt sander. I’m ready for my homemade circumcision. You can even meander longinly over my swollen purple-headed warrior with the Black & Decker contractor’s grade model.

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