Category Archives: movies that suck

The Mummy

The cuneiform writings warned of a 3000 year old curse… A curse that brought with it a plague of boredom, characterized by chronic yawning, festering ass boils, and frequent testicle re-shiftage…

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Jawbreaker

Oh, Dear God….where do I begin? Perhaps I should begin by saying that Rose McGowan (the bug-eyed slit who is currently Marilyn Manson’s suck puppet) couldn’t give a believable acting performance even if she were held at gunpoint. But more … Continue reading

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Top 10 List

I was meditating the other day. Whilst contemplating the meaning of Yanni, Guru Sebastian Bach appeared before me. He told me that Hollywood hates us and Gary Coleman is the anti-christ. I feverishly wrote down this apparition’s words.

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Teaching Mrs. Tingle

What has the intellectual punch of a Bon Jovi song, the intricate plotting of the movies Presumed Impotent and Womb Broom 2, and the stark realism of a WWF wrestling match? The answer is, of course, Teaching Mrs. Tingle.

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Mission: Impossible 2

Mission Impossible wants to be the new James Bond series so bad it’s not even funny. I guess Tom Cruise hasn’t looked lately at the rotting compost heap the 007 flicks have become (see my review of Tomorrow Never Dies). … Continue reading

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Drive Me Crazy

Uh…When did Melissa Joan Hart get chubby? Did I miss a meeting? I wasn’t informed of this. So I was blind-sided when I saw her in “Drive Me Crazy” and realized that the reason they produced this DVD in widescreen … Continue reading

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Out of Towners

Before I begin this scathing vitriol on a movie so incredibly appalling that I wanted to close my eyes and ears and go “Hmmmm, La La…Hmmmm, I’m not listening…la la la…”, I wanted to say hello to some friends in … Continue reading

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The Muse

Ouch. This one hurt a little. I love Albert Brooks, so the fact that I’m about to tear his movie apart causes a bit of salt water to well-up in my eyes (not the glass one, though; I lost all … Continue reading

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10 Things I Hate About You

This will be short, but sweet kids. Here are the 10 things I hated about “10 Things I Hate About You”

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End of Days

To paraphrase Ahnold from the kick-ass film, ‘Predator’; “If it sucks, we can film it!”

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