Category Archives: movies that suck

Panic Room

Reviewer’s note: Many of you have been axin’ me why there ain’t any new reviews appearin’ in the site. It’s real simple. We at moviesthatsuck.com are motivated by cold hard cash. I know this will come as a big-ass surprise … Continue reading

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The Sixth Sense

The Sixth Sense is a Horrible Goddamn Movie Should someone who calls himself “M. Night” really be allowed behind a camera? It’s a question that’s dogged people for ages.

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From Hell

Color Me Shitty: From Hell is an Awful Film Everything the Hughes Brothers touch turns to crap in their latest movie Ever spent two hours wading through filth, blood, human organs, and obnoxious British accents?

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Urban Legends: Final Cut

Starring Joey Lawrence (as Joseph Lawrence) Jennifer Morrison (as Jennifer Morrison) Directed by John Ottman and Written by Paul Harris Boardman & Scott Derrickson Is this horse dead? I mean really, fettered, rancid and decaying dead? Are maggots crawling in … Continue reading

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911

Everyone calm down, forchristsake. Rufus is unhurt. You can stop building that shrine to my memory. Here’s the deal: According to speculation amongst the “intelligence” community, some smelly motherfucker who wears a Pizza Hut tablecloth on his head decided to … Continue reading

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The Ninth Gate

The Ninth Gate or Why People Who Are Exiled Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Attempt An Avante Garde Movie

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Planet of the Apes

Alright, all the fellas in the house! gimme a HO! if you want to knock the bottom out of some hot chimp pussy!

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Planet of the Apes

Here go the Dilly-O: Make ONE decent flick in hollywoodland – just one film that makes enough to cover the executive producer’s budget for squirting transvestite hookers, Quaaludes, and Chivas – and your ass is set like a motherfucker.

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Unbreakable

OK, so I know I haven’t been reviewing movies lately. I’ve been out of the trenches for nearly a year, writing the highly successful “Ask Octavia” column, which has earned me quite the impressive salary (roughly $0, American)

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The Hole

The Hole aka After the Hole (US) aka Secluded Empty Space (South Africa, Europe)

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