Category Archives: movies that suck

The Talented Mr. Ripley

Bleeeech! What the hell was I thinkin’? A friggin’ chick flick replete with Ivy League idle rich, Italians, male homosexuality (as opposed to the cool kind), and expensive boats without motors. Add in bad jazz and a storyline that swerved … Continue reading

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Notting Hill

E=MC2. That’s a formula. Notting Hill. That too is a formula, only Notting Hill is the kind that will make you wish you were like Einstein…dead.

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Point Blank

Point Blank is utterly forgettable, straight-to-video smegma. It’s a blatant, faceless, terribly-acted Die Hard rip-off (a gaggle of terrorists take over a mall and are picked off one at a time by ex-Texas ranger Mickey Rourke.) Don’t see it.

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Message in a Bottle

Has Kevin Costner had a lobotomy? The last time I saw a performance this wooden, Al Gore was giving a speech. Were the cue cards for this movie written in big fat kindergarten crayon? If you thought Eyes Wide Shut … Continue reading

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The Rock

This film would’ve been better titled “The Cock,”, ’cause boy does it chug a big one. As I sat watching this atrocity, I wondered aloud how they ever got competent actors like Sean Connery, Ed Harris, and Nicholas Cage to … Continue reading

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Road House

Could there possibly be a more ridiculous mainstream movie ever written, produced, and released than Road House? It is the creme de la creme of suck. God, I love this film! Why? Probably because I conceived Road House when I … Continue reading

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187

The title for this film is taken from the police code for “homicide.” After watching it however, 187 is now our code for “real shitty movie.” The credits for this movie say that it was written by a teacher. If … Continue reading

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Eyes Wide Shut

What do you get when you cross cinematic midget Tom Cruise with obsessive-compulsive has-been (now worm food) Stanley Kubrick?

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