Author Archives: Dr. Rufus Jackson OB-GYN

911

Everyone calm down, forchristsake. Rufus is unhurt. You can stop building that shrine to my memory. Here’s the deal: According to speculation amongst the “intelligence” community, some smelly motherfucker who wears a Pizza Hut tablecloth on his head decided to … Continue reading

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Planet of the Apes

Here go the Dilly-O: Make ONE decent flick in hollywoodland – just one film that makes enough to cover the executive producer’s budget for squirting transvestite hookers, Quaaludes, and Chivas – and your ass is set like a motherfucker.

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The Bachelor

If you look up “pathetic” in a dictionary published after 1999 you should see “The Bachelor” somewhere in the definition. Oh, by the way, does anyone else out there think Bryant Gumbel needs a sand wedge applied to the back … Continue reading

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The Wedding Planner

There’s only one thing more predictable than Rufus risin’ up late in the morning and pinchin’ a loaf the size of French bread…yes, it’s “The Wedding Planner.”

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The Perfect Storm

I’ll make this quick: 1. Marky Mark sucks. I can’t quite put my finger on it but he’s unqualified to portray anyone outside of a whack-job porn star.

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The Replacements

Chris Peddie…I feel your pain. Ol’ Rufus loves American football…but damn…couldn’t hollywood at least crank out a decent flick while they’re out there withouth all those friggin’ cameras, gaffers, best boys and whatnot?

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Me, Myself & Irene

We at moviesthatsuck.com constantly read amateur ramblings about the Farrelly brothers and their immature humor or how much of a moron Jim Carrey is.

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Autumn in New York

I’ll go out on a limb here and expose the impending hollywood crisis that is apparently being hidden from the public:

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Gone in Sixty Seconds

Jerry Bruckheimer sucks ass. He makes movies, the kind which make me want to stab random people in the neck with a butter knife.

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Fight Club

I’ve waited to write a review of “Fight Club” for weeks. Occasionally I discuss reviews I’m planning with friends. When I mentioned “Fight Club” I got reactions similar to what you’d expect if I was putting Godfather Part 2 in … Continue reading

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