Movies That Suck

Whew, okay… barely made it in time. Good thing there are about 15 minutes of previews nowadays. God, this fake trailer about shutting your cell phone off– it always gets me! What is that crap under my feet? Oh, old popcorn and twizzlers… gross. Okay, here we go. Always good to see Kate Hudson! Whoo hoo she’s back! Looks pretty good too. Yowza! Continue reading →

I don’t mean to be one of these malcontented clones that bitches constantly about doing all the “work work work work work work work” while our original versions have all the Bacchantic, hedonist fun there is to be had, generally. I know that I was created in a lab in a Petri dish, and that I lack an everlasting soul. Continue reading →

Ebert’s at it again. First he gives Wedding Crashers a “C,” then he gives this abomination a grade of “B.” [imdb]

Quoth Nancy-boy: “What I liked most about the movie, I think, is that it undermines the self-congratulatory myths we cultivate about sports in America.”

Let’s get something straight Rodge, or better yet, let’s let Billy Bob’s Morris Buttermaker ask you: “You got daddy issues or somethin’?” Continue reading →

Okay, so the movie starts and I’m trying to get out of the clutches of this evil tow truck guy, right? How this fat yahoo got me up on this fucking thing in the first place, I’m embarrassed to tell you. Let’s just leave it at this: alcohol works wonders, even on a Nazi-designed, Mexican-built shitbox. Heil to Rumple! Why do you think we called this thing “Herbie: Fully Loaded?” Continue reading →

I hated this movie so much I wanted to kick its ass. And I would have too if the projection booth hadn’t been locked. I’m not scared of ANY reel of celluloid, I don’t care how big that motherfucker is! Titanic, Gone With the Wind, Pippi Longstocking Uncut… any 3 hour plus movie, bring it on and I’ll kick its ass. I have the attention span of a wad of Bubble Yum, but I can fuck a movie up. Continue reading →